Dad, Missed ~Me

When I think of you it makes me cry
Even after over a decade of you being gone
Your life held so many mysteries to me
Your death will never have those cleared up

And I loved you
Wonder now if I disappointed you
Or would you be proud I made it through without too many bruises

I wish I could've known you in some depth
Could I be a different person if you are still here
Answers left unsaid
Questions left just that, unanswered questions

You left so much behind, could you see it then
As you took your last breath
Was I there, was I ever there?
Somewhere in your mind did you question your decision
As you faded into the afterlife

And I loved you
I still do
You changed my world
But so young I had no idea
Wish for one more day to explain

Gone, gone, long gone
And I will never know you
I wish just to sit with you and talk some Hitler
Talk History, with the elusive man who gave me life
And then took his own

I have you in me
Your eyes, your quiet sensibilities, your reading technique
Your history love, Your fight or flight nature
We could've been allies
We could have had better ties

And I miss you
And I love you
I wish I could have you
One more day
Dad
One more day
To tell you, "Don't"
Dad