Mr. Prettyface and Abs...

It is definitely a Cancer (zodiac) kinda day for me. I feel like such a loner. I just want to stay in bed all day! Watch movies, clean my room, light candles... Just me, myself, and I. And I suppose until work at 5 pm I can do that. :)

Life is a pretty muddled thing right now. When will people stop throwing out the word, "Love" like it's candy. In the last 48 hours I had a boy tell me (for the second time) that he loved me. I quickly corrected him and told him not to say things he didn't mean. He told me he did mean it. I told him he didn't. Yes, the conversation sounds like two children. And he relented and said, "Okay, I really, really like you." Satisfactory.

Later he told me (again for the second time) he could marry me. I in turn tell him I am marrying my gay friend John and whoever he marries. I preceded to say I don't believe in love, relenting I DO believe, but don't think it is easy to find. And 1st marriage is love (done.) Second is money. And third is stability. He says, and understand he never says anything of merit, "I think you just pulled that oughta your ass. You're just scared."

Hold the phone. Hold. The. Phone. What?!? Boy Toy said that?!? Where has Mr. Prettyface and Abs been hiding Mr. Profound. And damned if I'm a sucker and that shut me right up. Not much later he passed out... but for a glimpse a whole new guy appeared. And frankly my dears I want to talk to that guy.

No, I am not falling for Abs. I can't possibly imagine our lives intervening more than they do. He has the pretty much perfect life and mine is under construction and highly volatile. And he already slipped somewhere into that conversation (before being profound) that I am in love with him. No. Not a chance. I quite well remember Love... I painstakingly remember Love... And I don't think Abs fits into that category. I can't imagine him there. I laid beside him all night trying to picture what that would look like. Nothing. I can't imagine him meeting my family, well maybe my bio-Father's side and my siblings... but I don't think I want anyone to meet my mom until after there are a set of rings on my fingers! Haha.

But he's actually my age this time... woah! And he has a 2-yr-old girl... so we understand each other on a parental level though we rarely talk kid things. And we both dislike our exes and have been screwed over by them. So there are those things.

But mostly I am confused. Because I know it was the booze talking. It had to be. I know he doesn't know enough to love me. He barely knows enough to really, really like me. I think he appreciates that I take care of him. I massage his back. I scratch his back. I deal with his whiny tendencies. Why do I do these things? Love? No. Because I get what I need out of it too. And sometimes that's just taking care of someone... silly cancerian ways. Or a really comfortable bed. Or glimpsing a perfect life. Usually tension relieving with someone who I won't have feelings for.

But we would not make the dream team. We are good at... being... well, sorta-friends with kinda benefits. And I can't adjust to him being Mr. Profound. I'm pretty sure it was a fluke. But now I am curious. lol* And I do like him as a sorta friend... mainly b/c I can't figure him out. I said a lot of mean things that night (I wonder if he remembers lol*) like asking him if he really knew my name... to which he replied, "Oh that's a really attractive question. How would I have you in my phone if I didn't know your name?" "Easy as a nickname, Halo Girl or the wrong name." He does know my name. He just never says it.

"Well, I don't know, you strike me as a kinda guy who may not know."

"Gawd, you're mean!"

I wish I had said, "But you love me!" Haha!

Like I said. I think it's all a fluke. :)