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Monday, April 19, 2010

My New Philosophy...

"If I don't love it; why do I own it?"

I need to start purging things from my life. Clothes, books, jewelry, papers, etc. Especially with the appending move. Why have I added things to my life - and more importantly kept them - when they haven't given me any satisfaction in awhile? Nope. Don't need that. I need to look at my belongings differently. They should bring joy to my life not just stress because they are wasting space.

And you can help! :) I have pack rats for plenty of my family members, so I need encouragement and maybe even ideas of what I should asking myself when I look at things. Because I have this awful habit of talking myself into "one day" needing it.

I've already gone through all my clothes and 1/2 my jewelry. My little sister will be happy. I have a lot of cute clothes that just don't fit me right anymore that will work out really well for her probably. And some jewelry that I am just too "old" for.

The paperwork is the stuff I'm scared of. I am always afraid of throwing away things I made need later. Siiiiigh... Especially when it comes to my divorce.

Anyway, hopefully this reaches you and you can either encourage me with how you do it, or maybe it even encourages you to join my journey and "purge" your own life!!

Let ya know how it goes! ~Ashley

Monday, April 12, 2010

Well, I guess I oughta blog something.

Still not completely over the shock of Jeff's new housemate to be. Sigh. I don't care until I really think about it.

If my dreams are any indication for life I think my parents may divorce. I've had the strangest dreams about them lately. I know they are unhappy, and dad has dealt with a lot with mom. I think they have both come up with mental breakdowns. Dad's primarily from the house burning down last July. Construction on it is going well. I would be pretty devastated if they ended, mostly because mom could not function & she's been out of the working world for 20 years. But I would understand. But I would not want mom to use me as a crutch or Maw-maw. Neither of us have the ability for all that.

Uhm. Had 2 job interviews at MHMR. I will not be getting either job sadly. One of them really liked me, but because I plan to return to school in the Fall it wouldn't work out well. So I continue on in the life of an underpaid barista. Joy. At least for the most part I do enjoy my job! :)

I just got slammed with a HUGE HUGE HUGE phone bill. My fault. Chatting it up with Dallas. I have changed my plan to unlimited talk time. Thank God. But now it'll go up and I have to figure out how I will make payment plans. Esp. when child support can start anytime now. I need a second job. I really, really wanted the MHMR job. I told one of the ladies I would go ahead and attend the jr. college here in town if I could have it. I think I told her too late though. Siiiigh.

Oh my life is so.... befuddled.... and mom texted me a billion times. First while I was working and then after I found out my phone bill is astronomical. And then she got upset with me not texted back. Telling me she was having a rough electronic day and had cried. I replied to her texts about coming over this week adding. "I am having a bad day too." She says, "Crying?" like that obviously my day isn't as bad as hers, because I probably haven't cried. I replied, "Yes."

Why did I cry? My phone bill? Yes. And I am putting my wedding dress on Craig's list finally. So I took pics of it. On my laptop that I have internet on I don't have any wedding photos, but on my desk top I do but no internet. So I went through our wedding photos and took pics with my digital camera (so ghetto I know!) to post. Those were a little sad, but the ultimate sad moment was seeing our cat Mr. Incredible's pictures. He died a few months before I left Jeff. He got outside and I thought he'd come back in b/c he doesn't like snow... but he didn't and the neighborhood dogs got him. I was devastated. And seeing his pictures, and even writing this, has thrown me over the edge, so I sat on the floor and cried.

Over spilled milk. I know.

But there's Jeff. Breeding Golden Retrievers. Living with a girl who will take care of him and pamper his ass. He has Ashton. He has our house. He has a newish car. He has a stable and wonderful family.

And the guy I could potentially love?? He lives in south PA. And told my roommate from college he likes me, but he won't do the distance. Naturally. I mean that would be crazy, right? Yes. It would.

And what am I going to do about my $600 phone bill!!!! I wasn't going to say the amount. But Christ on a Cracker! And for what? A guy who annoyed the buh-Jesus out of me?

My life rocks!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Really??

Hmmm....

Hmmm....

Hmmm....

So I called Ashton today, seeing it's Easter. Happy Easter, readers! He was already to bed. So Jeff and I talked.

Guess what?

That girl he's been dating for a nanosecond?? Yeah, maybe 3 months. She's moving in with he and my son. Yeah.

Awesome right? Really, really great.

Understand that I could never ever go back to a man who hit me for 3 years. He doesn't even appeal to me. But I also am not a fan of him having this woman move in with he and my son.

I can't even explain it.

He said he thinks he'll marry her. He tells me she knows everything. That makes her stupid. Okay, not really. Naive. Or I was very much colored badly. Obviously.

I told him as long as she treats my son well, and he treats her well. And Ashton can never call her mom. I would be devastated.

We aren't even legally divorced!! Still waiting on my lawyer to draw up papers. Then the judge to sign and then we have to too.

Am I wrong? Is he just thinking with his pee-pee and not thinking about my son?? Am I unreasonable?

I wish I had something tangible to hold on to right now.