Peace Out!

I apologize in advance if I'm not around this week. It's 4:45 am right now and I am getting my stuff together to head to WV. I am taking my laptop, but I don't know where I will have wireless and if I will be able to update anything. Otherwise I return to my Texas on Friday late.

Have a great week! And if you think about it, send me prayers and good thoughts.

Later Tators! ~Ashley

Consider it Vacation!

Made it to Houston. Ashton was taken, borrowed, driven away to Victoria with my grandparents this afternoon. And Tuesday morning I will be flying to West Virginia for my FINAL court date! I am starting the trek to excitement.

Back to Ashton. Uht-oh, he left his doggy blanket here at my Uncle's. I think he should be okay without it. He has a second blanket which is softer, but not as beloved. He has left his blankie at my mom's before and slept without it. Hopefully it works out.

It feels weird without him. A little boring... not going to lie. I mean kind of relaxing too. But he keeps me on my toes. And not hearing his voice, which is constantly going 100 mph, is strange. Not hearing, "Mommy!" every 5 minutes. What to do with myself?

Oh! For anyone who's curious - SOUTHWEST AIRLINES ROCKSS!!! So I called and told them my courtroom dilemma (that I won't be able to make my flight on the 28th because of court) and she changed the flight to one on the 29th with no extra charge!!! Because I couldn't help my circumstances. She said normally there would be a charge. Anyway, I really like Southwest people. They are always SO nice and really accommodate to their fliers. Consider this my endorsement!

So now I fly home on the 29th now. I'm not absolutely thrilled about it, because there's nothing in WV for me. I guess I can just pretend it's vacation to a place that soon I will never have to go back to!!!! (except to pick up my son, but those will be quick and painless)

I do hope that another snowstorm is not there during that!! That was a scary drive lemme tell ya! Here's a taste...

Sorry I am now distracted! I was going to find an image of the state of WV for the blog, but came across this instead. And I am now so disturbed to even continue. (And I know this is a random turn I am taking lol*) I'm not ADD I'm just.... oh look a snake!!

Yes, a snake. Folks they are my biggest fear... it's something about their soulless eyes. The way they slither. That they keep sticking their tonuge out at me to smell me... but I am pretty sure they just want to eat me. Then I see this: Big Ugly Crawling Demon ~ and it just throws me off my groove.

I talked to Ashton on the phone a couple minutes ago. He's used to speaker phone, so he started to insist he hung up on me. I kept saying, "No I am here Ashton, hold the phone to your ear." Finally, Grand-da-dee took the phone from him and said, "Okay, let's get ready for bed." He hung up without checking if I was there or not! lol* So no real goodbye, kisses, or I love yous. I feel a little cheated. Nor was I able to tell G.D.D. that Ash left his doggie blanket here. Oh well.

Heave Ho!

New Followers! Yay! And welcome :) My blog's windows are always open to cheery faces. I wish I could promise you the sweet smells of apple pie. I can promise you that music is using flowing. Right now Regina Spektor has become my world :)

Oh no! Now I feel pressure lol*

Let's see currently I am feeling stress, stress, stress! Sunday I am off to Houston to drop off Ashton to my grandparents while I go up to WV for my FINAL divorce hearing!!! Yay!!! The unfortunate thing is we bought my plane tickets before the date was set. We knew it would be anywhere from 26th-29th, so what does my grandpa do? Buys Southwest tickets for the 26-28. And what happens then?!? My court date gets scheduled for the 28th. I am supposed to be at the PA airport (approx. 2 hours from court) at 2 pm to return the car. And this hearing is supposed to be 1/2 a day. So the earliest will be noon. Which means I will have to hightail it. Why didn't my grandpa do it on the 29th like he was supposed to?!? But I can't complain to him. 1) He's on a cruise until Sunday 2) He's helped me out so much this past year.

So I'll just keep my fingers crossed and maybe move back the car return until 3 pm or something.

Then I come back on the 28th. Have to go get Ashton from my grandparent's in Victoria on the 29th. Then I take him back to WV on the 1st and fly back down on the 3rd. I'll be wasting a lot of time in WV, where a majority of our friends chose Jeff's side over mine. Silly people.

I've been waiting all day for my lawyer to call me. I guess I could have figured she wouldn't call.

My little sister is 11. And apparently has some guy contacting her telling her he is 17. Mom found the messages, and started texting me at 6:45 am this morning about it. Guess he was telling my sis he loved her and wanted a picture of her. Mom said there was no dirty talk, but that it's obvious he isn't 17 and seemed to be "grooming" my sister. There are some serious creeps out there. But it gives mom another bit of drama to latch onto and drag out for a few more weeks.

Sorry my mother is kinda hard to explain. She thrives on drama. Not that this situation isn't legit and kinda frightening - considering my sister's age. But it will linger until all of us are sick of it and it's over and she's just talking to hear herself talk. I do love my mother. I just greatly lack patience with her after all these years. :) And when we fight it isn't because she's narcissistic and nuts... it's because I'm not a die hard religious nut anymore, or I'm having sex, or something else that I am doing. She is never wrong. Anyway... tangent... lol*



Okay, so I am desperately trying to convince myself to get Ashton's packing started... and maybe deal with the mounds of clean clothes. It's not going so well. I keep distracting myself. And being plum lazy! :P

Time Heals All Wounds

I should hope so! But needless to say bruises may go but scars really like to stick around. Neosporin is a great tool for this. Wish we could dole out some figurative amounts.

So I facebook stalked my ex. Silly me. Just wanted to see what he was using as his profile pic, because we have mutual friends and I saw part of it and it just looked like a sad face. But it wasn't. It was a quizzical face. Hand on his cheek in thought. But then I got to see the pages he joined. And he has joined one called, "You aren't sorry you did it, you're sorry you got caught." What?!?

THAT'S his story?!? Not that he emotionally and better yet physically abused me for 3.5 years. He has the balls to tell people I cheated? Of course he is a liar. And of course he has ALWAYS pulled the sympathy card. And you know, I should've known.

I remember now going to the court hearing back in July and going to the pizza shop to see my former boss. Jay had asked me if I were seeing someone. I told him no... well I wasn't. He said Jeff told him I was. Now say I was... again I was not... how in the haddes would Jeff know. This is also coming from the man who asked me last March if I were now a lesbian. "Yes, yes I am. See what you're abuse did to me?"

Look. Normally I really don't throw him under the bus. If someone asks why we didn't work out I am honest. But it's not one of those things... "My husband beat me! Have sympathy!" Because personally, though it's an awful, foolish time in my life, I know there are women and children that have had far, far worse. And look where I am now? Free. Less than a week away from divorce. Happy as I have been in all my adulthood (starting at about 20). With a new perspective on life and who I am.

Am I bitter? On small occasions. But overall making a really stupid mistake (which if I allow myself I could kick myself for it until kingdom come) only made me stronger as a person. He did not marry a cheat, but I did marry an abuser. Hopefully, now I know better.

Is he bitter? Oh! Most definitely. And his biggest way to get back at me is through our son. And that shows... it absolutely shows... the kind of person he is. He would harm his son and his son's time with his mom just to feel some sort of justification. "My wife left me for another man. And she left me being a single father. I guess I just wasn't good enough for her." And someone, anyone, will stroke that ego. What a mean girl. How awful for you. Can I give you a blow job?

Oooops... okay that bitterness eeked out. Forgive it. Umm... anyway, and no I don't care if he dates. I am practically dating! Just as long as she is smart enough to see what I did not. I don't want him to do to another girl what he did to me. I can't imagine someone else feeling like the walking dead. Loving a man with all her heart and him stomping on it with a very dirty boot. Making her feel... what I felt... what that strange, insecure, forsaken girl I used to know felt.

And let him draw out the sympathy card. Because eventually he is see through. And to be for real, what do I care what people up there think of me. Let them think I screwed the whole WVU football team for all I really care! :D Haha!

So I hope that one day, if only for Ashton's sake, he won't be so bitter and we can have a semi-working relationship. Because though in Ashton's eyes Jeff will be the bad guy if he keeps this up... I don't want that for our son.

Post Date

SORRRRRY!!! I have been SO busy last couple weeks. What with traveling to WV for a divorce court hearing, getting Ashton, lots of driving, work, being sick, etc.

Sooo... the date went amazing! We went to Cheddar's had appetizers and split a margarita. Then we went to Hookah station and smoked hookah and talked until 2 am. Since then we've seen each other twice (he lives in Houston - so about an hour drive) and have plans for him to come to town this weekend and hang out.

Our lives are similar and very complicated. In a little over a week I will be divorced! Eric still has a couple months before his is finalized. So at the moment we are "seeing each other" but not really titling ourselves Boyfriend and Girlfriend.

I met his kiddos this weekend. Our sons fought the whole time! lol* Ashton, I have noticed, has the only child brat syndrome. He has this thing when someone else gets in trouble he points out he's not doing it. Eric will say, "Ryan get your socks on." Ashton chimes in, "My socks are on!" Oh my show off son. :/ lol*

So the hearing went okay. Jeff is a bitter guy. He would rather sell our house then buy me out of it. Sigh, whatever. So I will have to wait for my money. He and my grandpa had an agreement that I could bring Ash back on Feb 1st. He has recanted and says he's going to hold me in contempt. It's 4 days more than 3 weeks!! But there was no chance in changing the tickets. And I refuse to be bullied by him any longer. That's not okay. So let him hold me in contempt. By the time it goes through Ash will be back in his arms and the judge will see that he's being stubborn.

Anyway, I am very sick! I don't know how I am going to get through work in the a.m. - so I am going to catch some zzzssssss...

But suffice to say I am a pretty happy girl! I like a boy. And though we each have very complicated lives atm... it's a good time for us now. Not sure how long it'll last. He texted me tonight and said I wasn't like most girls he knows. "Not so uppity - very chill and wondrous I guess ." :)

Date

Well friends. I, Ashley, have a date tonight! True story.

I met him the other night when I went out (the lovely night I lost my phone). And we have similar stories. We both have kids. Both divorcing. He's 27 and lives in Houston, but often comes to town here. He has a house here. He's graduated with a biology degree (he doesn't use lol*), has a *real* job.

Folks, I am nervous. We spent about an hour and half on the phone together the other day. And we get along really well! He's very cute. Age appropriate (yay me!) and we are about constantly in textland together.

My best friend says I'm giddy and I think she is right. I feel like he popped into my life at a perfect time. And although the kids situation isn't completely desirable... I want to give it a try. I mean since leaving Jeff this is the first guy I have in depth spoken to my mom about. That's just not something that I do.

She was pretty hesitant and said to be careful he may be abusive too. I know she feels responsibility about Jeff, but I hate when she says things like that, because it just makes me feel a guard go up. Safe, yes, but I'm afraid I'll start over-analyzing it all. My rules this go around are my best friends Harmony and Stevie have to approve. They both know me really well and I trust their judgment. :) Yes, I trust their judgment much over my mother's. Stevie is getting her Phd in Psychology for Pete's Sake! Granted *child* psych... hehe*

So yeah, I am giddy, nervous, and don't know what to wear, because he may just meet me at work so I have to wear something cute that can also function in a coffeeshop. Guh-reat!!

We're getting food. I hate eating in front of people! lol* And then we may go out to Northgate or something.

Okay, well I have to do some laundry!!! :-D Any advice? I will appreciate!

Our Garden ~Me

I tried, and I tried, and I tried
And there you came at the perfect moment
To bring this time into perspective
And I will miss it when we know each other better
And the newness wears off
Because the beginning is so exciting
And discovering each of your characteristics is such fun

So tell me when you saw me for the first time
Really saw me for who I was, not just the color of my eyes
Knew apple was my favorite juice
And the color of my giggle against your chest

I could go into hours of dialogue with you
And then we will not know where the minutes got lost
In a paper cup? In a tunnel deep? In the you and the me?

I could sing straight to your bones
Vibrate against your vertebrae.
Tell you the sweet nothings of this life that keeps traveling too quick for us to catch up
Do you like the way we move to the beat of a Russian drum
The sound that brings the world together

The garden growing the shrubs of love, intelligence, and freedom
Is where we take our walks
Where we share our best talks
Hand in hand
Spirit to Spirit
Soul to Soul
Toe to Toe

Don't ever change
Because if you were someone else
We would not have been drawn together
And then we would be apart, still trying to find our own way
Most likely still unhappy
But you make me happy in these few days of learning
But you make me happy with your listening, understanding
In our created garden growing love, intelligence, and freedom