Ashley's Drunken Travesty...

Last night was a drunken travesty.

No, it was not supposed to be! The plan was to go to Lauren's after work a split a bottle of wine. Port in fact. But then we had our Turkish friend Zafer come over and bring another bottle of wine. And then after consuming both of those between us two very petite little girls our other friend John invited us to go to Halo, Bryan's token gay bar. Lauren had never been, and Zafer had wanted to go out anyway, so after changing into cute things we were off!!

We stopped on the way to the club by my house so I could get some heels and we all took potty breaks. We stopped at the gas station for Lauren to acquire her cigs and another bottle of wine, because we were not going to drink at Halo.

Now in this part of the story I should feed you a bit of information. Lauren is always having serious boy troubles with her boyfriend. He's an ass. He keeps saying he's going to come visit her (lives about 45 minutes away in her hometown) and then never shows, nor does he usually text/call to tell her he is not coming. And so, she's angry with Boyfriend. Now she is really attracted to Zafer and he to her, but she keeps going back to Boyfriend.

Back to story.

So we look cute. And we go to Halo. And it goes all downhill from there. Lauren and I had had a pact that we weren't going to drink anymore... good God... as though we needed any more! But about as soon as we walk in Lauren is buying us both Cherry Vodka Sours. Ashley, me, can not do vodka or any other hard alcohol after wine and certainly NOT after stout port. But she bought it so obviously I drink it.

I mix and mingle. My best friend growing up, Kristen, is there, so I say hi to her. And talk to her a little bit. And after consuming half my drink and being handed a second CVSour I decide I need a picture with Kristen since we are never in the same vicinity. So I go over somehow juggling two glasses of CVS and my camera. I tell her we need a picture together. She says okay. I attempt, badly, to hand her friend the camera, but instead drop one of the drinks. The one with less drink in it... pity... a guy who works there saw and quickly ran to get a broom. I feel guilty of course, because really at the moment I am not THAT bad. I'm just clumsy. I do get my pic with Kristen and as far as I can tell it's cute.

More drinking ensues. I remember a shot. It was pink and tasted good. I remember thinking, hmmm it's pink just like my CVS, so it's not like I'm mixing too many things. It's a darker shade of pink. Why do shots always take three sips for me to consume them?

We all wind up on the couch. Zafer, me, and Z's friend Hakan, with Lauren on Z's lap. I distinctly remember asking Hakan if he was dating the Asian girl I met the other night again. I told him how much I liked her, and that she was adorable, and had the cutest dimples I'd ever seen (all repeats to what I told her when I met her and was not wasted). He just grinned at me and giggled. But I was serious! And they seemed to still like each other...

John arrived and I said hi. But I don't think we hung out very much. :(

And that's about all I really remember exactly. That and drunkenly texting "Pretty Face and Abs" Why, Ashley, why??? Of course per usual he was working... so I didn't do that thing again. But I looked at the texts today. Good God almighty! I was not making a bit of sense. Emmmm-barrassing.

Now the things I don't remember, but apparently did.

I kept drinking and drinking and Zafer kept trying to get me to stop. No more little sister! But more little sister did. My drunken excuse? "I can't let Lauren drink alone. I have to be here for her. Her boyfriend's an ass!" (I am typing this and shaking my head at myself)

And to top it all off. Lauren and I hit on gay guys. I wonder what they looked like, well I mean besides their faces probably covered with looks of annoyance and confusion. Apparently I tried to give them my number. And I told Zafer that no one likes me because they wouldn't take my number. And was I really not pretty? (still shaking my head at myself)

Then it was time to go. Well, it had probably been that time for awhile. But Ashley did not want to go. Ashley needed to say goodbye to everyone. Zafer kept trying to get me to leave, and I kept telling him no! I had to find John and mean Zafer would not let me. Not to mention I could barely walk. Zafer carried me. He told me today that he thought he looked abusive or something trying to drag me out of there. He carried me all the way to the car.

By this point Lauren was an angry drunk. At Boyfriend.

In the car apparently I made it very awkward for Z. I don't think Lauren remembers this. Again. They like each other and both tell me about it. But I decided it was dinner table conversation. I tell Zafer how much Lauren likes him. I turn to Lauren and tell her Boyfriend sucks and she should just date Zafer. And how wonderful Zafer is and taking care of us. Then I say what all little sisters should say, "If you two have sex tonight do not involve me. Okay?" WTH?!?!?

We get back to Lauren's and some of this I remember. Crying about missing Ashton and how awful Jeff is for having him and the unfairness of it all. Then I threw up. In a trashcan; every one was warned.

And some point, Chris, my potential interest called. He knew I was drunk from before, but I don't think he knew how drunk I was going to be when he called. We talked. I don't remember. Apparently I told him several dozen times how much I like him. And I asked him on a scale from 1-10 how much he liked me. He told me today that he said, "I'm not going to answer that. Are we in middle school?" Today when he was reiterating the conversation I asked, "Why didn't you play Ashley's drunken game?" He has no answer. Because drunken Ashley is silly, weird, and obsessed with the 1-10 scale.

And then Zafer was going to leave. Lauren told him to stay. He said okay. I am on the phone with Chris. Giggling. I am such a drunken school girl! She grabs her cell and goes to her room. Zafer thinks she's coming right back, but she doesn't. So he asks me to go check on her and see if she's sleeping. I go in there...

"What's up?"

"I am mad at boyfriend."

"Fuck boyfriend!! He doesn't deserve you. He keeps standing you up. Why are you with him? You should be with Zafer. He will treat you so much better. He's better looking than Joey. See how he took care of us?" (I wonder at this time if I knew how much taking care of he did for me and others...carrying me out of Halo, saving gay guys I was trying to pick up, etc. )

I think I suggested she have sex with Zafer again. My night has a theme!

During this Zafer gets uncomfortable because he can hear all of the conversation. He said I sounded like his mother trying to get a girl to date him. All the while poor Chris is on the phone with me. I am an awful, awful person.

I went back to the couch.

Eventually I think I hung up on him by accident and passed out. But we've talked on the phone twice today... so apparently I didn't scare him off too badly. Oi! It was funny b/c this morning I was so afraid I drunken texted him something stupid, so I went and checked and was relieved that I didn't. But then I checked my call list later and there were 2 calls from last night. Damn it.

But there you have it! This little girl knows how to party apparently. Granted it is not a usual thing for me. And maybe as you read this you are thinking it is one of those... had to be there stories. If so I sincerely apologize, and appreciate that you read all the way through it.