Stuck on Yourself Much?

Ugh, says Charlie Brown. You Blockhead, says Lucy.

As some of you may know, I work at a local coffee shop. (I don't hate Starbucks or want to cut it's corporate legs - for the record!)

I closed tonight. Hence why I am up so darn late! And not any of the 4 of us wanted to be there. So we were all a little grouchy.

Tonight a guy came in. First we were busy and he was loudly chatting with his friends. I heard the words "abortion" and "rape". I didn't care. I just wanted him to shut up and order. I kept trying to interrupt him. He kept ranting.

Finally we (my manager and I) get his attention. "Oh is it my turn?" I tell him it is through a smile of gritted teeth. He starts to ask what he should get from my manager Michael. I lose interest and make his friends drink.

He doesn't shut up. He starts telling Michael how he (Michael) is like a guy who sells fords but actually drives a honda, because Mike doesn't drink coffee. He orders what Mike says and a sandwich. The entire time he contnues to talk about himself to whoever is listening.

He eventually asks us what our major is. I say I don't have one. He says some jibberish. I can tell he's judging so I say I am old. You are old? How old?

25.

That's not old! How old do you think I am?

Well I am assuming since you say it like that you are older than me.

I didn't say that. How old do I look?

23 or 24, but I'm guessing you are 28?

Well let's put it this way. This will make you feel better. I have interned for the President of Peru. I have interned with the Governor of (insert forgotten state), I have lived abroad in this country and this country and this country.

I'm thinking, "How the hell is that supposed to make me feel better? That means I have done not a damn thing with my life. Thanks bozo." By the way he has his drink. He did not tip. And he hasn't shut up and we're busy. Busy, busy, busy. And I can't even help people b/c he is bombarding me with other questions. And begging Michael to tell him how old he is.

And this ass tried to leave without telling me how old he was. He's 21. I wish I could capitalize numbers. TWENTY ONE!!!!!!! And already has done all these things, by the way I didn't even remotely write all he did.

21!

I hate him. I loathe him.

I've packed my bags and I'm going home.



No. Not because he's done all these things. Good for him. But because he can't shut up about his accomplishments. Oh and when I called them accomplishments... you want to know smart boy's reply?

"Oh these aren't accomplishments. Every college student does this!"

Whatever.

Michael asked when he left if I thought it was bi, gay, or straight. I said I guessed bi. I added that he probably has mirrors all around his bed so he can always be looking himself in the eyes whenever he has sex with anyone.

Mean? Maybe. But he did not stop talking about himself. Not for a second.

Again. Good for him seizing opportunity! Good for him traveling abroad. Interning with high officials. Look into my eyes. I don't hate him for any of that.

But nonetheless it makes me feel like shite. Nonetheless he feels superior.

Nonetheless, he's a rich kid and didn't tip. He made James change out his chips. He has no manners. And he thought since the fact he's done so much in his 21 years and it didn't make me feel better about my life that telling me he had a brand new car that was only 1 month old totaled by another driver would in fact certainly make me feel better. His folly will not make me feel better. Yes, for sure with that display he is in fact 21. 21 and stupid. So ha! :-P

Do I have anything nice to say about him? ...........................

He had nice teeth.

Is Society Fading Further into Indulgence?

I keep starting a blog and then realizing I have nothing to say. I have zero points to express.

I did write three new pieces of poetry yesterday. I have not posted them anywhere but Facebook. My poetry blog has all of three followers and only 1 comments semi-regularly. Which is cool, because I write my poetry for myself... mostly... but I like if I know what I write means something to someone... you know? Maybe just post 'em here :)

Recently my friends and I were talking about *the* Twitter being the bane of society.

"I have a headache."

"I am hungry."

"I just devoured a cheese burger. And now my stomach hurts."

"I am home all alone. My doors are unlocked."

"Will you please stalk me?"

Do we really feel like we need to update every last mini-detail of our life? Is that what we are doing now? Are all of us just waiting/wanting to be stalked, just so we feel we are making pieces of our life matter?

And how are the children growing up in the facebook & twitter age going to be as teens and adults. Will we have conversations, or will we all sound like continuations of "updating our status"?

Will the children we are raising be able to make complete sentences on their high school and college papers, or will they be using "ur" "l8er" "u" "lol" ":)" "luv" "K"? It really worries me. Are we actually getting smarter or just self-indulgent and lazy? I still use full length words in texts. Unless it's just over 2 texts and I want it to be one. Then I go back and try to do as little shorthand as possible.

But certainly there is always changes to language. I mean Shakespeare would wonder what the hell we are saying! Or Chaucer, well he might get it, because they just wrote how they "felt" things should be written. Hooked on Phonics style.

Thoughts? Am I crazy? Am I over-reacting?

I just love real conversations. Talking about things that MEAN something. Granted, my last post was about me getting drunker than drunk. Certainly not my best moment.

And truth is... I am minorly guilty of the very thing I complain about. I certainly update my facebook. I certainly blog on occasion, hoping someone reads it. Hoping someone takes interest in my mediocre life! lol*

Just A Little Talking...

I think Twitter and Buzz (birds and bees) should have babies. They can be called Tweetzz or better yet, Twitzz.

And there are my thoughts... Not as good as Football Players being gay, but eh, that's hard to top! ;)

Ashley's Drunken Travesty...

Last night was a drunken travesty.

No, it was not supposed to be! The plan was to go to Lauren's after work a split a bottle of wine. Port in fact. But then we had our Turkish friend Zafer come over and bring another bottle of wine. And then after consuming both of those between us two very petite little girls our other friend John invited us to go to Halo, Bryan's token gay bar. Lauren had never been, and Zafer had wanted to go out anyway, so after changing into cute things we were off!!

We stopped on the way to the club by my house so I could get some heels and we all took potty breaks. We stopped at the gas station for Lauren to acquire her cigs and another bottle of wine, because we were not going to drink at Halo.

Now in this part of the story I should feed you a bit of information. Lauren is always having serious boy troubles with her boyfriend. He's an ass. He keeps saying he's going to come visit her (lives about 45 minutes away in her hometown) and then never shows, nor does he usually text/call to tell her he is not coming. And so, she's angry with Boyfriend. Now she is really attracted to Zafer and he to her, but she keeps going back to Boyfriend.

Back to story.

So we look cute. And we go to Halo. And it goes all downhill from there. Lauren and I had had a pact that we weren't going to drink anymore... good God... as though we needed any more! But about as soon as we walk in Lauren is buying us both Cherry Vodka Sours. Ashley, me, can not do vodka or any other hard alcohol after wine and certainly NOT after stout port. But she bought it so obviously I drink it.

I mix and mingle. My best friend growing up, Kristen, is there, so I say hi to her. And talk to her a little bit. And after consuming half my drink and being handed a second CVSour I decide I need a picture with Kristen since we are never in the same vicinity. So I go over somehow juggling two glasses of CVS and my camera. I tell her we need a picture together. She says okay. I attempt, badly, to hand her friend the camera, but instead drop one of the drinks. The one with less drink in it... pity... a guy who works there saw and quickly ran to get a broom. I feel guilty of course, because really at the moment I am not THAT bad. I'm just clumsy. I do get my pic with Kristen and as far as I can tell it's cute.

More drinking ensues. I remember a shot. It was pink and tasted good. I remember thinking, hmmm it's pink just like my CVS, so it's not like I'm mixing too many things. It's a darker shade of pink. Why do shots always take three sips for me to consume them?

We all wind up on the couch. Zafer, me, and Z's friend Hakan, with Lauren on Z's lap. I distinctly remember asking Hakan if he was dating the Asian girl I met the other night again. I told him how much I liked her, and that she was adorable, and had the cutest dimples I'd ever seen (all repeats to what I told her when I met her and was not wasted). He just grinned at me and giggled. But I was serious! And they seemed to still like each other...

John arrived and I said hi. But I don't think we hung out very much. :(

And that's about all I really remember exactly. That and drunkenly texting "Pretty Face and Abs" Why, Ashley, why??? Of course per usual he was working... so I didn't do that thing again. But I looked at the texts today. Good God almighty! I was not making a bit of sense. Emmmm-barrassing.

Now the things I don't remember, but apparently did.

I kept drinking and drinking and Zafer kept trying to get me to stop. No more little sister! But more little sister did. My drunken excuse? "I can't let Lauren drink alone. I have to be here for her. Her boyfriend's an ass!" (I am typing this and shaking my head at myself)

And to top it all off. Lauren and I hit on gay guys. I wonder what they looked like, well I mean besides their faces probably covered with looks of annoyance and confusion. Apparently I tried to give them my number. And I told Zafer that no one likes me because they wouldn't take my number. And was I really not pretty? (still shaking my head at myself)

Then it was time to go. Well, it had probably been that time for awhile. But Ashley did not want to go. Ashley needed to say goodbye to everyone. Zafer kept trying to get me to leave, and I kept telling him no! I had to find John and mean Zafer would not let me. Not to mention I could barely walk. Zafer carried me. He told me today that he thought he looked abusive or something trying to drag me out of there. He carried me all the way to the car.

By this point Lauren was an angry drunk. At Boyfriend.

In the car apparently I made it very awkward for Z. I don't think Lauren remembers this. Again. They like each other and both tell me about it. But I decided it was dinner table conversation. I tell Zafer how much Lauren likes him. I turn to Lauren and tell her Boyfriend sucks and she should just date Zafer. And how wonderful Zafer is and taking care of us. Then I say what all little sisters should say, "If you two have sex tonight do not involve me. Okay?" WTH?!?!?

We get back to Lauren's and some of this I remember. Crying about missing Ashton and how awful Jeff is for having him and the unfairness of it all. Then I threw up. In a trashcan; every one was warned.

And some point, Chris, my potential interest called. He knew I was drunk from before, but I don't think he knew how drunk I was going to be when he called. We talked. I don't remember. Apparently I told him several dozen times how much I like him. And I asked him on a scale from 1-10 how much he liked me. He told me today that he said, "I'm not going to answer that. Are we in middle school?" Today when he was reiterating the conversation I asked, "Why didn't you play Ashley's drunken game?" He has no answer. Because drunken Ashley is silly, weird, and obsessed with the 1-10 scale.

And then Zafer was going to leave. Lauren told him to stay. He said okay. I am on the phone with Chris. Giggling. I am such a drunken school girl! She grabs her cell and goes to her room. Zafer thinks she's coming right back, but she doesn't. So he asks me to go check on her and see if she's sleeping. I go in there...

"What's up?"

"I am mad at boyfriend."

"Fuck boyfriend!! He doesn't deserve you. He keeps standing you up. Why are you with him? You should be with Zafer. He will treat you so much better. He's better looking than Joey. See how he took care of us?" (I wonder at this time if I knew how much taking care of he did for me and others...carrying me out of Halo, saving gay guys I was trying to pick up, etc. )

I think I suggested she have sex with Zafer again. My night has a theme!

During this Zafer gets uncomfortable because he can hear all of the conversation. He said I sounded like his mother trying to get a girl to date him. All the while poor Chris is on the phone with me. I am an awful, awful person.

I went back to the couch.

Eventually I think I hung up on him by accident and passed out. But we've talked on the phone twice today... so apparently I didn't scare him off too badly. Oi! It was funny b/c this morning I was so afraid I drunken texted him something stupid, so I went and checked and was relieved that I didn't. But then I checked my call list later and there were 2 calls from last night. Damn it.

But there you have it! This little girl knows how to party apparently. Granted it is not a usual thing for me. And maybe as you read this you are thinking it is one of those... had to be there stories. If so I sincerely apologize, and appreciate that you read all the way through it.

The Best Things in Life Are Free...

...meaning? Things you pay for just get broken. Or stop being fun. But friendship, that shit should be forever. :)

I love when a man can make me laugh and giggle. But even better when we can have a "real" conversation. Best when you can combine these two and there's a perfect mixture. Like chips and salsa, red wine and pizza, socks and shoes.

NOT socks and flip-flops or sandles. That's ALWAYS a no-no.

I am going through a Lauren withdrawl. I have decided. She's in Galveston with the family for Spring Break. Kinda jealous! Especially if the weather was better. OMG. This summer is going to be a pain with her in Montgomery. There will be plenty of driving and visiting to be had.

I am thinking of writing my friend Zafer. Since Margarita Night (a night had begun to blog about, but didn't finish and it went bad so just couldn't get all out here. After my drunk travesty night and Zafer taking care of me. He chose beforehand to have one of his own. And it turned into a fest of revenge drinking. He, who does not drink, got smashed and acted like a complete ass. We went as far as to make him leave. And that made him very angry, and partly he had reason to. But by God it was 6 a.m.!

Anyway, it was a horrible night, and I haven't spoken to him since.

But now I am better and less mad at him. Him getting drunk and pushing me (physically) away was the main ordeal I could not handle. I can be friends with him again, but I have to spend less time around him. So after nearly 3 weeks to a month of no Z I am ready to make amends. He's in New Orleans now for Spring Break, so I think it's perfect timing. He can come home to a well thought out note of me asking him to be friends again, and be his little sister again. :)

Now if I could only get over the sickness!!!!!!!!!! That's the real plan. :)

Football Players are Gay

...which is good for me, because I like the gays.

But let's see, what other game do we have men yelling to each other, "Go deep! Go all the way now!" And smacking each other's ass in congrats - otherwise known as a "Good Game." Not to mention locker time. I like to sit here and imagine the hot, sweaty, grimy men taking off their gear and making out before shower time. When they all happily shower together. Playfully passing each other the soap. Lathering each other's muscles... oh sorry... went into a daze there.

Not gonna lie. I'd like to be a fly in that locker room.

Now basketball players on the other hand. Not at all gay. Still tall and sexy, and I wouldn't complain if they made out. But, b-ball players are totally straight... well except Dennis Rodman makes me a little leery. He is confused as to what he is all together. And as my friend Harmony said, "They are so tall they'd just get tangled up." And they're tough. And they high-five, no "good game" booty smackage.

Nope football you win! And gay men all around you win too. Therefore I admit. I am jealous. John, go for a Manning brother... that would make me the happiest girl alive! :)