Life musings

I really do not understand the human psyche. I would like to. I would really like to understand exactly why we think the way we do. Why we function. Why we have a will to live. I would like to speak freely and not feel like I will get condemned or boxed and labeled and set on a shelf.

I came to the conclusion last night that I am not meant to find my counterpart. I have a writers heart and I am supposed to have a pinch of misery in me at all times. Without that I have no "soul". It sucks a lot. But it's something I will come to accept I am sure.

My mother always tells me a story of being in a literature class and the teacher asking the students to take out their books. He read off names and asked his students to put an asterisk by their name. At the end of reading many names he asked what all these writers had in common? All of them had committed suicide. All of them. An astronomical amount. Mostly women, & my mother was struck with how many females had. From great pain comes great beauty.

No, I will not be killing myself anytime soon. As some of you readers know my father committed suicide. I am not that selfish, or currently severely depressed. I saw the pain it caused and I will not cause that on other people. So don't worry about me! Plus I am not all sure about the afterlife and if there's nothingness I don't want to get there all to quickly. Same for all the other theories. I am good sticking around on this earth a little longer. Experiencing new & glorious things, along with the bad and heart-wrenching. 'Tis life. And we'd take it for granted if everything is peachy keen all the time. Or not have life experience to glean and learn from and accept people with.