Sooooooon....

I do plan on posting later today. Am off to work. I was gone most of Spring Break last year, and then I couldn't get into my blogger account. So yeah, will try to update about my wild and crazy life! :D

Sorry for seemingly being a bum!

The Best Things in Life Are Free...

...meaning? Things you pay for just get broken. Or stop being fun. But friendship, that shit should be forever. :)

I love when a man can make me laugh and giggle. But even better when we can have a "real" conversation. Best when you can combine these two and there's a perfect mixture. Like chips and salsa, red wine and pizza, socks and shoes.

NOT socks and flip-flops or sandles. That's ALWAYS a no-no.

I am going through a Lauren withdrawl. I have decided. She's in Galveston with the family for Spring Break. Kinda jealous! Especially if the weather was better. OMG. This summer is going to be a pain with her in Montgomery. There will be plenty of driving and visiting to be had.

I am thinking of writing my friend Zafer. Since Margarita Night (a night had begun to blog about, but didn't finish and it went bad so just couldn't get all out here. After my drunk travesty night and Zafer taking care of me. He chose beforehand to have one of his own. And it turned into a fest of revenge drinking. He, who does not drink, got smashed and acted like a complete ass. We went as far as to make him leave. And that made him very angry, and partly he had reason to. But by God it was 6 a.m.!

Anyway, it was a horrible night, and I haven't spoken to him since.

But now I am better and less mad at him. Him getting drunk and pushing me (physically) away was the main ordeal I could not handle. I can be friends with him again, but I have to spend less time around him. So after nearly 3 weeks to a month of no Z I am ready to make amends. He's in New Orleans now for Spring Break, so I think it's perfect timing. He can come home to a well thought out note of me asking him to be friends again, and be his little sister again. :)

Now if I could only get over the sickness!!!!!!!!!! That's the real plan. :)

Not happening...

So today was a bust.

I closed last night. Sick and all. Luckily since 1)It's Spring Break and 2) We were slowww b/c of reason #1 we got to close at 12:30 a.m. Which was really nice! We got out relatively quickly too.

John took my 9 am this morning, since of course there was no way for me to do it. I remembered at about 4 am that I had to go to that condo today at 1 pm. So I couldn't walk noon-2 (the end of my shift I gave the beginning to John) so I texted him to see if he could work the whole thing. I felt pretty bad about it.

So at about 11 I got up and showered. I couldn't even talk I hurt so badly. At about noon I got a phone call from the girl I was supposed to meet. She said not to come they decided not to have a third. :( Utter disappointment. I went back to bed.

When I woke up I looked up a couple more ads for roommates on Craigslist. Wrote 3 or 4 more people. Siiiiighhhhh... I'm getting a bit frustrated with this.

Last night when I got home from work there was a paper on my bed. She typed me up a paper that said when my bills were due and the date for them. Seriously?? Really?? Is that necessary??

Tonight I went to dinner with one of my best friends, Stevie. I had a Pomegranate Margarita Shaker at Applebee's. Can I tell you how amazing they are? Pretty darn amazing. That's for darn sure. :)

We vented out our life and caught up. It was nice :)

I came home and Alisha asks me if we aren't talking. "we can talk" I say. She said we hadn't talked in a couple days. I told her I don't think she treated me like a friend earlier in the week. It was very awkward. I don't consider her a friend anymore. But we aren't off speaking terms. Things are just off the table now.

Time to Go.

Still sick. Kinda want to throw myself off a cliff.

So this week has been interesting. I may be moving out. Have I mentioned that I'm 25? Well, my roommate is a sheltered 21 year old. And as long as that didn't interfere in my life I was fine. Our family are friends. Once upon a time I babysat her. We have absolutely nothing in common.

Well, you know how I wrote about Dallas, and how I'm unsure how much I like him yada, yada...?? Well this past week he was supposed to come see me. That way I could test the waters how much I like him.

Well, my roommate knew about it. And for some reason unbeknown to me she doesn't really like him. I have my theories and a lot of them include words like 'jealousy' & 'lesbian'. Because I've been with other guys that she's met and she's never been as bizarre as all this.

About a week ago she calls me out in front of her friends and tells me he can't stay with us. I tell her of course he can I pay rent and it's really rude of her to not let him. SHe says he can stay with my best friend. They haven't even met. I'm not going to make him drive 3 hours to push him on someone. He can stay in a hotel. Again, no. That rude!

She says, "Well, I wasn't raised that way." So? Am I asking to let him sleep in your bed? No. My morality can not be dictated by her. And I've had other guys stay here. She says she didn't know, but later on in the week she said she had meant to talk to me about it but forgot. Thing is. It doesn't matter. I pay the same amount of rent as she does and she can not dictate who I have here. I am not bringing a drug dealer here. I am not shooting up or getting belligerently drunk. I am letting a guy I am seeing come visit me.

And for her to do this in front of her friends is wrong and immature.

The week progressed and I knew I needed to have a conversation with her without her friends around. But they were alwas here. They stayed the night. And I was deathly sick so if they left at 1 a.m. it certainly didn't help me out. Finally I texted her and said we needed to have a conversation. She comes home.

I tell her I have rights. I am paid up and I should be allowed to have anyone visit I want. She tells me no. I say my brothers and her brother have both stayed here. "They're family." "They aren't both our family."

"My parents have done so much for you. They gave you your bed. This is the ONLY thing I have ever asked of you."

False.

She's asked me to clean certain rooms in the house. She asked when I first moved in that I didn't have alcohol in the house, and if I did to keep it in my room. I was 24!! when I first moved in. But I did that. Since I have lived here there have been 2 bottles of wine and 3 barcardis here.

Her family frequently visits. Her mother was coming nearly every weekend last year to help her with math. Did I ever complain? No. Not once. did I want my place invaded all the time? No. But I understood.

Now here's the clencher. SHE BROUGHT OUT HER DEED to prove the place is hers. I didn't even look at it. I told her I know it's hers and I never said anything about it. What I did say is that if this was such a big deal it should have been stipulated beforehand.

Needless to say, Dallas did not come. And I am hunting down a place to move into. I hope to move out before the month ends and get some rent back. I plan to write her a long letter about exactly why I am leaving and how mistreated I feel.

I regret having been a good friend to her for her 21st. She didn't want a lot of drinking esp. from her under-aged friend Rachel. I took the heat from Rachel just so Alisha didn't have to. She can't give me the same courtesy.

I've been helping her out. Helping her pay the mortgage. I look forward to leaving. Looking at a condo tomorrow. I'm over it. She wouldn't even approach it correctly. And she now thinks we're friends. We are not friends. We're roommates. I tried to bring her in my world. I have introduced her to all my friends. Invited her to dinners, potlucks, game nights. I have been kind to all her friends. But she has not treated me in kind.

Her loss. Unless she finds a spinster she will realize any future roommate will not be this good to her. And will probably, in this day in age, not deal with someone controlling who is allowed to visit them.

Saved!

Part 2 to Save me!

I did it. Buckled down and called my grandparents last night.

Went well. We talked about what we were supposed to. Then my grandpa said he hated to leave things on a bad note and he chewed on me a bit. Which was deserved and expected. He asked my grandma, Mia, to make it better. "I'm going to let Mia finish, she's better at putting a positive spin on things."

She then proceeded to tell me how much she loves me. How I am their first grandchild and will always have special place. How she wished she had known what I had been going through all thse years with Jeffrey, so they could have better helped. How they know this past year has been so difficult on me, but we were all going to pick up the pieces, repair, and move forward. She said, "Ashley, you have so much more going for you than you give yourself credit for. You're going to be just fine."

Included were antidotes of my childhood. My grandpa chimed in being sweet too (unusual) about how much they loved when I was young coming to spend time with them. Then they went on to tell me how great Ashton (my 3-yr-old) is. And how, when he stayed with them while I was in WV to finish things up, amazingly good he was. My grandpa said, "He really loves to draw and Mia would give him the scotch tape and he'd go throughout the house and tape up his artwork.

"We left it up for weeks, so when we'd walk through the house we'd remember his great visit," he said.

I was really touched and definitely started crying throughout the conversation.

It's rough when I love my grandpa SO much and feel like a constant disappointment. I feel a little useless when he tells me I need to get a "marketable skill."

Anyway, in other news... I am sick. I feel really bad and have had to give up my shift yesterday and today :( I think it's strep.

And more news today was sibling day. I took my brother and sister and we all got our hair cut. My 14 yr old brother and I got our hair colored. Then we went to the dollar store and to Spoons (this awesome frozen yogurt place where you put in your own yogurt add your own toppings, then weigh it and pay by ounces. Really cool place. And then up to my work to get my paycheck. And lastly to my Maw-maw's (my other grandma - my mom's mom) to tell her Happy Birthday. And by the end of all that I was too exhausted to try and work. Got my shift covered. I came home and crashed for about 4 hours. And I am about to crawl back into bed, but thought I'd quickly update! :)

Save Me!

I have SO much to do, and have NO desire to do it.

I need to go to parents and figure out my tax stuff. I have never done my own taxes, so I am scared and procrastinating. *smacks hand* bad Ashley.

Tonight I am going to dinner with Lauren and maybe a movie. Playing it chill. Helping her decide on her dress for her boyfriend's sister's birthday party on Friday.

I kinda need to go to Wal*mart or something and get some stuff. That too I don't want to do.

My Caddie is fixed. Dad called me this morning. So he was taking it to his house, so I can return the van! Yay! Oh, so what was wrong with the Caddie? There was a short in the thingy that makes the heater/AC blow... and THAT'S what was making her die. Oh, "The Old Lady" I think all cars hate me. Except for when I had Sir Lancerlot. He, he was loyal. So the part to fix it if we had gotten it from GM would have cost $280!! Just for a little part. But one of the mechanics had a caddie in his yard and gave us the piece for much less. Dad said he thinks for labor and all it'd be $230. Nice.

And the real reason I don't want to do anything? I hurt. I mean my back always hurts... nothing new there. But my face! I think my teeth are shifting or I have a cavity or something. My gums on the left side of my face hurts and my cheek bone like someone punched me and my ear and my temple. It was hard to sleep. I kept waking and taking a pain pill. So I am unrested and unwilling to do things. :(

But do, I must.

Also, I am a very bad girl and have put off calling my grand dad. At first I just legitimately didn't have time. Then it was awhile and I knew he'd be mad, so I put it off and off and off. Now he'll be really mad and I keep procrastinating the deserved lecture. :( I am an awful, awful person.

I am my own worst enemy. For real!

Mr. Dallas

Being indecisive is one of my best worst qualities. It means I am easy to please, but also means I have no intention of making a decision unless I have to. And even then, when I know I have to I become even more stubborn and then can't even make up my mind.

Does this confuse you? Imagine living this all the time.

It is certainly hard when a relationship is involved.

I buckled and joined okcupid. I talked to some people, but none really peaked my interest until February 14th. Yes, yucky V-day. We sent messages back and forth and then texted for a bit. we decided we would be each other's Valentine's for the last 40 minutes. He called and we talked until 5 a.m. Insane! It continued. We talked on the phone for hours every day, and when we weren't talking we were in constant communication via text.

I was smitten. I had a crush. And he was crazy, crazy for me. He liked me even more than I liked him... and that is something I am not used to.

He lives in Dallas. So I went 2 weekends home with my roommate, and he and I met halfway in the mall. I went home with him and we had pizza, watched Idol, and made brownies. We were respectful in those areas ;) Didn't go too far, but we did sleep in the same bed.

But the indecision set in. I liked him when he talked business and was serious. I liked him flirty and joking. But then he'd get really goofy. Like too goofy. And I didn't like him so much.

And then... then there was Eric. I'm not over him. He, friends, is my ideal match. He would accept me... erm... whoever he ends up with... as a stepmother to his kids. He would accpet any of her children as his stepkids. Perfect.

"Dallas" has already told me he wants his own family and would never consider himself a stepfather to my child. He wouldn't be mean, but he said he might be jealous.

So since I rarely have my son now, since Jeff got custody, I thought I would let him get to know me and then move from there.

Smart Ashley knows what she should do. She should call it quits. But she could talk to him every day for hours and hours, so it's confusing.

Eric is not available, and although I often think this summer if I am single I will text him and ask how life is. I can't let go of that. Which means it's unfair to Dallas. Which means I am being unfair. Which is not what Ashley normally is.

I am so wishy-washy. I know I need to get over Eric, because well, I don't think it could happen. I could've happened, but we had the worst timing available to mankind. It sucks, and it saddens me.

I just feel ultimately, I could do better than Dallas. But I would miss someone texting me as much as he does and our late night conversations. But I know what I'm like when I really like someone, and I am slowly fading away from that with him. And I know if I pull the plug we can't be friends.

So I debate whether to spring for it, or give him another chance... He plans to come see me in a week.